HEART OF SLASH

W00t!

2009-12-19T18:51:26Z

Thank you to all for birthday greetings and emails and posts etc.

I have to run off to meet my twin borther (Yay! we haven't been together on our b-day for years!) but I promise to post soon.

Love,
Heartofslash

KINK!!!!!!!

2009-11-22T01:28:19Z

I FINALLY finished salixbabylon's much belated birthday present. Sorry about the delay. Life has a way of bulldozing me these days. But this first section of the story is done, and the rest will have to be posted as it gets done but rest assured, this part is sufficiently climactic to satisfy even a greedy girl like Salix. *strokes and hopes to inspire greed greed greed* And don't worry, babe - I cooked it up just the way you like it - thinky, kinky and with a good dose of the raw...

This way to the thinky kink, in which McKnight decides it would be a good idea to have a part of his body taken care of in a way it has never been taken care of before, and Grimes has to wrap his head around the idea, before he wraps other things around, um, other things...

Psst, there is SHAVING involved... eventually.

Happy belated.... geez, it's really fucking belated, isn't it? This is practically a Happy Thanksgiving gift. Are you thankful for SMUUUUUUUUUUT?????

I knew you were.

Comments Thread

2009-11-10T05:18:26Z

I'm starting this new comment thread because I'm uploading some new material over the next little while, and I like a fresh start.

Hey there, I'm Heart of Slash. Nice to meet you/see you again. I hope you enjoy my work. Even if you don't, please let me know what you think, or we could just be polite and discuss the weather. I'm Canadiaan after all. I excel at that.

Vamps, tramps...

2009-11-03T05:29:54Z

mistressmarilyn has a top ten vampire movies list up, and I figured I'd do one of my own, just for a larf.

10 Nosferatu, Phantom der Nacht (1979) dir Werner Herzog. Yeah, it's a little cheesy, but I love Herzog, and Klaus Kinski was ridiculously into it, and who wouldn't be into noshing on Isabelle Adjani? The DVD can be problematic - they filmed two versions simultaneously, one in German, one in English. The English one kind of sucks, in the bad way, because most of the actors didn't actually speak English. And also, the English version is badly edited. There is this song the little Roma boy plays on the violin, at least in the theatrical version I used to watch every time it came to the New Yorker Repertory Cinema back in 1982, and most of that is cut out. Tragedy. More of the song got played with every step Harker took toward the vampire and insanity. But if you can get hold of the German version, or better yet, see it in the theatre, it's lush and, as Herzog always is, slightly unhinged, and kinda tacky and FUN. (Remake of the 1922 film)

9 The Hunger, dir Tony Scott. Hells, yeah! Deneuve seducing Sarandon, Bowie being... well... Bowie. The music, the style, the fashion. The science is TERRIBLE but forget that - it's a fable. A fantasy. For fun. I have a decrepit full-size lobby poster of it, the French version.bowie is in sunglasses. Deneuve is crawlign toward the caerma sanrling. The tagline is Pour survivre ils ont besoin d'amour et de sang. Yup, that pretty much sums it up. That, and glamour glamour glamour.

8 The Vampire Happening (1971) aka Gebissen wrid nur nachts. We used to rent this for our vampire Hollowwen parties back in the day. It is the campiest, goofiest, most absurd vampire film ever made. The humour is wretched at times, but it's so dang groovy you don't care. Definitely falls into the "so bad it's great" column, but I love it.

7 Dracula (1958) Peter Cushing rocks as Van Helsing. This is pure FUN.

6 Mr. Vampire (1985) Original title Geung si sin sang dir by Ricky Lau. A gajillion of these were made (bad knock-offs, too), but this is the first and the best. Ching-Yin Lam is the master of the mortuary who has to go out of town and leave his dorky apprentices in charge. They mess up the spells on the undead (literally stuck to the foreheads of the undead) and wreak havoc, but Master Gau *heart!* returns in time to set things right. Or mostly right. The ineptness of his two young assistants eventually leads to the release of a serious vampire who terrorizes the town - and who hops. Yes, hops. Extend your arms a la Frankenstein's monster, keep your feet together, and do the bunny hop; you are now a Hong Kong movie vampire! The vampire is so creepy looking you can smell the decay. There is also a beautiful ghost in love with the cute apprentice, and he gets into some trouble with that. Like so many Hong Kong movies, this one has everything - the undead, hopping vampires, sympathetic magic, silly slapstick comedy, a near-tragic mix-up involving sticky rice... oh, yes, this movie has everything! Also, some kick-ass martial arts. A terrific movie for the whole family. My kids wore out our old bootleg copy. They used to hop around the house like vampires all the time. I'd love to see it again some time.(For Hong Kong style movie fans only!)

5 The Strange Adventure of David Grey, original title Vampyr Der Traum des Allan Grey (1932) dir Carl Theodor Dreyer. Based on Sheridan Le Fanu's novel. Okay, so I obviously have this thing for German vampire movies. They're the spookiest! This one is GORGEOUS and CHILLING and BAFFLING. I can't explain the plot. It's too weird. All dreamscapes and stunning light and dark, shadow and relief, convoluted imagery and ambiguous plotness. A great movie. And scary.

4 Dracula (1931) dir by Tod Browning. Bela!! 'nuff said.

2 Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens (1922)dir FW Murnau. The first. The best Dracula movie, even though they had to change the name to 'Graf Orlock' because the widow Stoker was not big on fanfiction. Freaking awesome, and I've seen it with so many different soundtracks, both recorded and live. The best was an electronic noise band in the early 80s at the Forest City Art Gallery in London, Ontario. Max Schrek is terrifying, the cinematography is stunning, and it never gets old.

1 Martin dir by George A. Romero. Low budget, simple story, very well told. Young man (John Amplas) is sent to Pittsburgh to stay with his cousin, who is mysteriously old enough to be his grandfather, and who is supposed to keep him out of trouble. The sort of trouble young men get into. You know - partying, girl chasing, stalking lone housewives, following them home and cutting them with razors and drinking their blood. The usual. Martin gets a lady friend, and gets into the habit of talking to a late-night radio show host. His cousin is not amused. Is Martin really 84 years old? Is he really a vampire, or a sick young man? Amplas is outstanding as the somewhat confused and kinda cute and very shy Martin. Disturbing yet compelling. My favourite vampire movie, and my favourite Romero movie.

Oh, damn. Ran out of list....

Also, Shadow of the Vampire - another kick-ass over-the-top performance from Willem Dafoe.

Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula, because it was so old-fashioned yet weird, and succeeded on so many levels while failing at so very many others. And, Gary Oldman. With long hair.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Yes, the movie that everyone says is sooooo lame, but you know what? Buffy will slay you with her keen fashion sense, and Pee Wee Herman has the best ever death scene. And, duh, Donald Sutherland as the mentor. Wicked!

Vamp, because Grace Jones. Come on... we went to see it a dozen times because it was bad but good, and Grace... ah, Grace... and the melamine joke at the end? So hilariously bad it's brilliant.

Now, why isn't there a movie in which Karl Urban is a vampire? In which he sucks Ewan McGregor? I'd pay to see that. Many times over.

There are many more vampire flicks to enjoy. Explore. Delve. But most of all, have FUN.

re-EYEFUCK!

2009-10-09T19:05:19Z

Ages back (and I'm embarrassed about how long ago it was) griffndor requested that I re-post this , and I should have, but I couldn't find it on my computer, and then I found it in an archive from a couple of hard drives ago, and I put it in a place I could find it again, but I don't do the RPS thing much and I wasn't sure where to post it or how to post it... and then I forgot because things have been, you know, tense lately, but anyway...HERE"S THE FIC!!!

A note of explanation about this fic - This was written during a round of discussions about how Hoot eyefucks everyone in Black Hawk Down.

Also, there was a side discussion about how great Raz Adoti is in that fic (and he was great in Gangster Number One too... really must write something about him and Paul Bettany some time...). A disucssion tht led tot he inevitable request for fic. Raz is a lovely Brit who played one the mean Somali militia leader, the one Hoot blows...up.

Anyway, Eric Bana can't help it, can he? He's got that smoldering dark gaze that fucks you whether he wants it to or not, which is okay because you, I, and every other person with a functioning libido wants to be eyefucked by Eric Bana. Especially when he's playing Hoot Gibson...

Title: Eyefuck
Author: heartofslash
Fandom/Pairing: BHD RPS, Raz Adoti, Bill Fichtner, Eric Bana, mentions of others.
Rating: R for excessive of the word “eyefuck” (12 out of 328 words, which is upwards of 11.8% of all words used in the fic. See, I told you it was excessive.)
Disclaimer: This did not happen. But it could have.
Warning: Avast! Eyefucks ahead! Also, dialogue fic. I know some people hate that.
Summary: Raz wants his eyefuck…

Eyefuck

“It’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair, Raz.”

“But Brian gets eyefucked over the table full of grenades. And Orlando gets eyefucked in the food line. Josh gets multiple eyefucks, all over the place. Eyefuck, eyefuck, eyefuck!”

“I guess.”

“Even you get eyefucked by Eric.”

“When?”

When you’re cleaning your gun at the table and he’s lying on the bed with his shirt off.”

“I do not!”

“Do too. I saw the dailies.”

Bill shrugged. “I can’t help it, man. He’s a notorious eyefucker. I don’t think he can control it.”

“Well, I should get an eyefuck.”

“Raz, I don’t know how to break this to you. I mean, you’re a nice guy and everybody loves you and all. But you’re the bad guy.”

“So what? The bad guy can’t get eyefucked by the hero? Since bloody when?”

“And you aren’t in any scenes together.”

“We am too. He blows me up.”

“Exactly. Blows you up, NOT blows you.”

“Oh, big deal. For a guy like Hoot, blowing people up and blowing people would be almost the same thing. Release of testosterone. Having his way with a bloke and all that.”

“Why are you bitching at me about this?”

“You’re his friend. Talk to him for me.”

Bill spat a mouthful of coffee into the sand. “What? Are you fucking nuts? Did you fall on your head and hurt yourself? What am I supposed to do, walk up to him and say ‘Eric, I’ve been thinking. Maybe right before you blow up Mo’Alim it would be a good idea to give him a serious, kick-ass eyefuck'?”

“Okay.”

Bill whipped his head around in shock and there was Eric, in full-uniform-stealth-Delta mode.

“Fuck!” Raz blurted out.

Eric shook his head and held up an ungloved hand. There was no ring on it, but it was easy to see where the ring usually sat. “No thanks, mate. I’m taken. Don’t fuck around. But an eyefuck? That I can manage.”

Raz beamed.

END

P.S. If you watch the movie, you will see that Raz did indeed get his pre-blow up eyefuck. Because Eric can't help it... especially when he's being intense. And when he's being Hoot...

OMG I wrote something other than complaining

2009-10-08T16:34:25Z

It's been a while. I've been out of sorts. But I'm trying to ease my way back into things. It's a little tight. Might need more lube. Mmmm. Lube...

Title: McKnight's First Day of Retirement
Author: heartofslash
Fandom/Pairing: Post Black Hawk Down, Grimes/McKnight
Rating: ADULT
Warning: The usual kink of these two. Nothing extreme. sub/Dom
Disclaimer: Really has nothing to do with the movie. I'm kind of writing original stuff here but using the names...
Length: 200 words.

McKnight, as you may recall, decided not to risk the operation that had a 50/50 chance of restoring his hearing. He took retirement instead. And now he's exploring his limitations. Or maybe he's exploring Grimes limits.

Whatever. He's got Grimes exactly where he wants him. On his lap. Naked.

Happens right after A Day Like Today 1, And A Day Like Today 2 and Hoot's Revenge, and maybe Summer Job. Around the same time as Summer Job...

heartofslash @ 2009-10-05T09:42:00

2009-10-05T13:42:42Z

I am so fucking fragile it pisses me off.

Dear American Friends

2009-09-23T04:21:24Z

To all my American friends and readers,

I just love your president.

I've always liked him, but then I saw the video of him calling the award show dude a "jackass", in the cutest way possible to call someone a jackass, and then I saw some bits from his interview on Letterman, like when he reminded Dave that he really was black before he got elected, and joked about finding Dave on his schedule and demanding to know who was responsible for booking the gig. His imitation of senior staffers looking down and fiddling with their Blackberries was priceless.

He is funny and intelligent and cool and suave, and he can think on his feet not only articulately but amusingly. He's a fucking rock star, that's what he is.

Also, he makes jokes about surrounding his dating daughters with men with guns. I've made jokes like that too, but alas, have never had the access to said men with guns.

And you know that if secret service types were around, the daughter would do any damn thing she wanted, since I'd be keeping the special agents occupied... but I digress.

Since we have a reactionary asshole with the personality of a wet dishrag and all the charisma of a raw turnip for a prime minister, I am ENVIOUS. *this is me envying you*

Good night.

EXCERPT!!

2009-09-22T14:24:38Z

Oops - I almost forgot - here's an excerpt from my story Black and Blue, which you can now buy from Dreamspinner Press.

And, while you're at Dreamspinner, visit MY very own page at Dreamspinner!

Check it out - cop uniforms, boots, handcuffs, a slippery nightstick, a weight bench, and unbridled NEED. I promise.

And a cock rings. Don't you just love cock rings?

I Iz In another Book!

2009-09-22T03:51:07Z

Games In The Dark

OMG - published again! And in a very special book edited by my very special friend, wantonhussy!

Games In The Dark

Games in the Dark

edited by Julianne Bentley

Take a walk on the wild side with a serving of kink: restraints, blindfolds, spankings, threesomes, and more — just a taste of danger to whet your appetite. But these games are meant to do more than just tease. While these men are getting a thrill, they're exploring their emotions, making peace with their wants and needs, and sometimes finding love along the way. Through that lens, we can see the truth: it takes trust to play fair. Come with us and play some games in the dark.

Contents:

Fit to Be Tied by Ashlyn Kane
Silent Negotiations by Lyn Gala
The Perils of Tardiness and Telling Tall Tales by Sienna Bishop
Eye Opener by Ariel Tachna
Maximum Exposure by Marguerite Labbe and Fae Sutherland
Remarkable Restraintby Devon Rhodes
Learning As We Go Along by Ellen Whitehall
Bent by D.G. Parker
All Kinds of Attention by H.J. Brues
The Cub by Edward von Behrer
Black and Blue by Dar Mavison

My story, Black and Blue, is a totally original cop-scene story. Here is the summary:

It's love at first sight when Archer sees Freddie at a club. They seem compatible from the start—Freddie has a need to serve, and Archer likes to protect—but both men prize their privacy, and all they really know about each other is instinct and desire. It comes down to one night when Archer invites Freddie to his home for a private scene to convince Freddie how right they are for each other.

There's BOOTS, and uniforms, and handcuffs and a very special appearance by a nightstick, so, yeah, check it out!

Go to Dreamspinner Press and read all the summaries and buybuybuy!!

Woohoo!

heartofslash @ 2009-09-12T18:23:00

2009-09-12T22:28:18Z

Wow, I have not been online much at all, due to work and family and visits from very important out of town personages (pir8fancier I'm looking at you) and more work and appointments... the usual. I feel not-caught-up on things, and I know no matter how hard I try, catching up is not going to happen, especially since I'm on a new medication and I'm not entirely sure how that is working out. So I don't know how long I'll be sort of out of it, but I am thinking of people and trying to keep in touch as best I can.

I hope you're all well.

PS SYTYCD Canada is terribly, terribly addictive.

Because I can. Sun and Ice(man)

2009-09-03T05:28:51Z

Gosh, he's purdy. And a little dirty. Needs a shower.

Which I cannot show you because someone decided it was too dirty for photobucket. *pouts*

Oh, well, there's always the Iceman in flight...

He can take off whatever he wants.

I gots a new shiny laptop.

2009-09-02T18:53:13Z

I can do this.

Pretty Iceman is ticked off. He needs someone to soooooooth his hurts. *licks*

Now I have to get back to work. Deadline deadline deadline...

Lovingly hand-crafted birthday gift (slightly late)

2009-08-06T21:58:10Z

Title: Summer Job
Fandom: The Long Haul – post Black Hawk Down fuckery
Pairing: Hoot/Sanderson, Sanderson/Hulk
Warning: That was not a typo – I really meant 'Sanderson/Hulk'
Rating: Adult, for sex and recreational drug use.
Summary: Hoot and Sanderson go for a little camping trip and there is story-telling around the campfire. Sanderson gets very verbal when he smokes up. Hoot gets very mellow. Sex ensues.

Dedication: A Happy Belated Birthday to redjacket, who was away for her birthday, but she's back now. This is late but hey, I got Sanderson into the sack with a different incarnation of Eric Bana, so that makes up for it.
Inspired by: Eric Bana talked about the danger of Hulk's naughty bits flopping around if they didn't keep him in the purple pants. And Bill Fichtner makes everything better. So Hulk's naughty bits + Bill bust be good, right?

It was a stupid summer job... I worried I might go a little screwy on my own like that... Although, knowing Hoot, he'd never actually been a 16-year old virgin...

As I promised redjacket there is naked Eric Bana, and Sanderson being chatty, and HULK!SMASH... okay, maybe not smash, but he is hulking!

Under Cover - het spy adventures!

2009-07-20T01:51:36Z

Title: Under Cover (Part 3 of 3)
Author: heartofslash
Fandom: Eastern Promises, sequel to Deep Cover.
Pairings: Nikolai/OFC(Lydia), Nikolai/Kirill mentioned
Rating: NC-17 overall, for explicit het sex, problematic power issues and seething resentment, and generally nasty people.
Warning: Will make no sense at all if you have not seen Eastern Promises (which I highly recommend, although be warned that it contains violence, gore, brutality and very nasty people with some very offensive ideas and habits) and read Deep Cover.
Disclaimer: Not meant to infringe on any copyright, only to expand a story I invented that was a continuation of a story I enjoyed. I own nothing. Only the writing that follows is mine.
Summary: On her own, taking a little break from life, Agent Lydia Constant has been minding her own business, thinking back on the encounter with Nikolai Luzhin that put her back in the syping game, only to discover that Nikolai has found her. At last...

Dedication: This fic is for sundew, who was my beta for Deep Cover and shares my thing for Nikolai, and who made me realize that I wasn't done making Nikolai have hetsex. Not by a long shot.

Part One was here. Part Two was here.

Part 3, the final part of Under Cover, the continuing adventures of Agent Lydia Constant and Nikolai Luzhin.

Hoot gets his revenge in a Hootlike fashion

2009-07-13T21:38:00Z

Title: Hoot's Revenge
Author:heartofslash
Fandom/Pairing: postBHD, The Long Haul. Hoot/Sanderson, McKnight/Grimes
Rating: NC-17
Warning: kink, bondage, taunting, confused power dynamics and sexual frustration and as close to dubcon as I'll ever get.
Disclaimer: Not real people, not even really the characters they're based on.
Summary: Sanderson kinda used Hoot in his plan to get McKnight and Grimes back together again by getting McKnight jealous of the attention Grimes might be getting from Hoot. As it turns out, Hoot doesn't like the idea of being used, so he decides demonstrate his displeasure.

( It turns out it might not have been a great idea for Sanderson to use Hoot in such a cavalier fashion, or maybe it was... )

This story follows A Fucking Order, Operation Under the Radar and A Day Like Today and A Day Like Today 2.

Continuation of the last fics...

2009-07-03T16:37:30Z

Title: Under Cover (Part 2 of 3)
Fandom: Eastern Promises, sequel to Deep Cover..
Pairings: Nikolai/OFC(Lydia), Nikolai/Kirill mentioned
Rating: NC-17 overall, for explicit het sex, problematic power issues and seething resentment, and generally nasty people.
Warning: Eroticization of body modification. Back away if you have a tattoo squick.
Other Warning: Will make no sense at all if you have not seen Eastern Promises (which I highly recommend, although be warned that it contains violence, gore, brutality and very nasty people with some very offensive ideas and habits) and Deep Cover, and part one of this story, Under Cover Part One.

On her own, taking a little break from life, Agent Lydia Constant has been minding her own business, thinking back on the encounter with Nikolai Luzhin that put her back in the syping game, on to discover that Nikolai has found her. At last.

Title: A Day Like Today – Part 2
Fandom: post BHD, The Long Haul
Pairings: Grimes/McKnight, Hoot/Sanderson
Rating: this part NC-17 for sexsexsex
Warnings: sub/Dom, resolution of relationship crisis, utter disrespect for the sanctity of the D-Tech office.
A Day Like Today Part 1

Grimes was having a minor amount of trouble breathing, but he didn't mind that at all. The problem was that he'd forgotten how to breathe around all that cock, but it was no big deal. Muscle memory. He would pick it up again real fast.

FIC

2009-07-01T20:22:16Z

I know. Unbelievably I actually got it together to post some fic instead of a rant. Must be because it's a holiday.

Happy Canada Day!

Soldier porn:

Title:
A Day Like Today
Fandom: post BHD, The Long Haul
Pairings: Grimes/McKnight, Hoot/Sanderson
Rating: this part R for mature themes
Warnings: sub/Dom, relationship in crisis, substance use, poor communication, jealousy and ogling of the office manager.
Follows Operation Under the Radar.
Summary: Several months after being seriously wounded by unexploded ordinance, McKnight is out of the hospital, trying to adjust to his new situation, and not entirely succeeding. Grimes is trying his best to do his duties at work and home, and not entirely succeeding. Kurt Schmid is upset about something, Hoot can't help himself, and Sanderson takes charge.
The whole of the Long Haul series to date is here.

Grimes slowed his bicycle to a stop. He watched the line of school children cross the street. The crossing guard wore an orange vest. The air was still warm, but clear, the way he imagine it was everywhere in the fall. Everything seemed perfectly normal. Funny how the world kept going on around him, no matter what. It was enough to make a person feel insignificant, even on a day like today...

AND spy stuff:

Title:
Under Cover
Fandom: Eastern Promises, sequel to Deep Cover.
Pairings: OFC(Lydia)/Nikolai Luzhin Nikolai/Kirill mentioned
Rating: NC-17 overall.
Warning: Graphic descriptions of physical disfigurement, remembrances of het sex, problematic power issues and seething resentment, and generally nasty people
Other Warning: Will make no sense at all if you have not seen Eastern Promises (which I highly recommend, although be warned that it contains violence, gore, brutality and very nasty people with some very offensive ideas and habits) and my fanfic of it, Deep Cover.

Let's see what Lydia is up to two years and eight months after the events of Deep Cover...

Both of these are WIPs, and will be continued in the next few days, possibly even earlier.

As Canada Day rolls around...

2009-06-30T16:12:26Z

Last weekend there was the most bizarre conversation involving two neighbours, both of whom are immigrants (from vastly different parts of the world) and who were talking in the most xenophobic, anti-immigration manner one could possibly imagine.

A little later, there was a thing with a female neighbour that was jaw-droppingly sexist.

I've come to the conclusion that just because someone belongs to a group, doesn't mean they have that group's best interests at heart. If any of these people were to be taken seriously as the only representatives of their respective 'minorities' or 'oppressed groups' or whatever you choose to call them, it would set the world back by at least 4 decades as far as equal/civil rights goes.

I still have to listen to them. Their opinions are as valid as the next person's. But it's up to ME to decide what I think is right and moral, and it's up to me to stick up for what I think is right and moral, even if they think people from certain parts of the world should be restricted from entering the country, or that lower wages for work of equal or more value are justified for whatever reason, or whatever it is they happen to be saying that makes my skin crawl. Although, I admit, it's kind of weird when you are arguing with someone who is X about how something is harmful to X, and they are telling you, "Oh, no, we don't mind at all when we don't get the same rights as other people - we're so used to it it's part of who we are!"

I don't know why these particular people hold these particular opinions.

Maybe they are self-hating. Or they hate being X.

Maybe they've been fucked over so much they don't even see that they're being fucked over.

Maybe they don't care about how other X-type people get fucked over, because they've managed to avoid a lot of the fucking over that so many other X-type people have had to endure just because they are X.

Maybe they follow some political or ideological philosophy, we'll call it Z ideology, and the oppression of X is part of Z ideology, and they feel that their membership Z somehow overrides the fact that they are X. Maybe in order to belong to Z, they've had to deny they are X - negate one identity in order to claim another.

I also don't know why they can't belong to lots of different groups at the same time. Does being one thing mean you have to stop being another? Maybe being X is inherently contradictory to being Z, in some way, so they feel a need to choose, or maybe it's easier or less confusing to choose one, rather than deal with the contradictions.

I remember the old debates about men marching in the International Women's Day event. Some poeple did not want any men present, others felt their struggle as a member of X minority group was more important or critical then their identity as a woman within that larger group. Those conundrums were never solved - they were managed in ways that would minimize harm and maximize freedom. But that freedom was not a free-for-all. Cooperation was required. Agreements had to be made, usually involving the order of the groups marching, so there would be a smaller chance of men wandering into a women-only part of the march, and that would not relegate members of a particular group to a position in the march they felt was insulting. The negotiations were not easy, and enforcement was a delicate matter, but it was worth the effort to promote inclusion.

I think it's a shame when anyone feels forced to choose any one aspect of their identity over another. And I also think it's a shame when people feel they cannot hold their own, valid opinion on something because they are not part of a group. You don't have to be a polar bear to see that global warming is bad for polar bears. You shouldn't have to be X to recognize that a particular law or action is harmful to X.

But it is possible to be X and not recognize that a particular law or action as harmful to Xs in general.

It's possible to be Z and realize that Z is not fair to X, and to try to do something about it.

It's possible to be neither X nor Z, yet still see that X and Z have issues

Identity is something Canadians struggle with in a profound way, so when Canada Day rolls around, some of us tend to tie ourselves in knots about this sort of thing. It's a curse, but one I wouldn't give up for citizenship of any other country in the world.

Why Warnings Are a Good Thing

2009-06-26T18:35:16Z

I fucked up on my first analogy, but try try again.

There is a fabulous art museum!

It's so fun. There are all kinds of works of art in it. Some artists have just one work, others have many. For the most part, it is a self-curated museum. Very few curators are not also artists. And it is, for the most part, free to attend! It exists apart form the commercial art world. It's revolutionary and alternative!

The art is extremely varied. There are paintings and sculptures and installations and interactive displays. The themes are pastoral, historical, religious, social, sexual... sometimes very sexual. Subject matter ranges from landscapes and portraits to fluffy animals, mythical beasts and still lifes, to abstract and experimental works. Any given room might contain unicorns, kittens and rainbows, tasteful nudes, scary monsters, model ships, military themes, real people, fantastical situations, overtly sexual material or blank canvases.

To get to the art, you go through doorways. Some of the doors are wide open, and you can see everything before you go inside. Some are closed. Some are locked, and you need a special invitation.

Some of the rooms are clearly labeled as safe for children. It's obvious. There's nothing to shock or dismay in them.

The ones containing tasteful nudity have closed doors, so no one walks in and sees something they might not want to see.

Most of the explicit rooms, the ones containing giant raging erections and wide open beavers (a little Kurt Vonnegut Jr reference, because no analogy can go wrong with a little KVjr.) have a sign saying, "Look out, there are giant raging erections and wide open beavers within!" A lot of people go to the museum and head directly to the giant raging erections etc, skipping the kittens and model ships. Some people are in it strictly for the unicorns. Others are into the scary monsters. Everyone tries to get along.

Occasionally a room is mislabeled. The label is usually fixed, at some point.

Some art works include special effects, like bright flashy lights. Some people love them. Woohoo! Flashy lights! It's like a carnival! Some people get a headache. Some people, through no fault of their own, have to avoid the bright flashy lights because the lights make them projectile vomit.

Those who are made violently ill by the bright flashy lights say they'd really like to know what parts of the museum are unsafe for them. The artists who like their bright flashy lights say they should peek in the room and make sure it's safe before going in. Some of them are even offended that anyone would puke at their art.

Unfortunately, some of those same artists also don't feel that their bright flashy lights will be effective unless they come as a surprise. So nothing about the room, when the bright flashy lights are not going off, indicates that there will be bright flashy lights going off at some point in the future.The room may look like a perfectly ordinary room full of tasteful nudes or unicorns or explicitly sexual military themes. And then suddenly, bright flashy lights start going off, and the vomit is airborne.

The artists who like their bright flashy lights say that they can't possibly put up warnings for bright flashy lights, because their work sometimes also includes noxious odors that cause people to feel queasy, and if they warn for the lights but not for the odours, then people made queasy by the odours will get mad at them, so they should not have to warn for anything, because... as far as I can tell, they say that someone who feels queasy about an odour won't mind being made queasy as long as other people are projectile vomiting.

[Note - yes, I know that didn't make any sense. Slippery slope arguments rarely do. I never said it was a perfect analogy, I just said it was better.]

Then the artists who like their flashy lights say that if there is no warning for flashy lights, people should assume there ARE flashy lights, and not go in the room. This, understandably, limits the rooms they can visit to only the rooms that explicitly state, "There are no flashy lights that will make you projectile vomit in this room." Or they have to wander around the halls to find someone who does not vomit when exposed to flashy lights to go in the room for them, to see if it is safe for them. Because art museums are full of people who aren't really doing anything, and have time to check every room for other people.

Once bright flashy lights make someone projectile vomit, the person who vomited might want the artist to put up a warning, so other people will not suffer the same fate. Some artists respond by saying that people who can't tolerate bright flashy lights should just stay at home and not come to their museum at all, because all that projectile vomit is harshing their bright flashy squee.

A whole lot of people, who may or may not projectile vomit in the presence of bright flashy lights, want the museum to be open to everyone, because they know the projectile vomiters aren't projectile vomiting to be mean - no one likes vomiting any more than anyone else likes being vomited on.

A lot of people are all for a world free of projectile vomiting, and are willing to put up whatever signage is required so that everyone can enjoy art.

Does that make more sense?

For the record, I have projectile vomited in the past. It sucks. I have cleaned up other people's projectile vomit, too. I don't like cleaning up vomit, but someone has to clean it up. I'd really rather prevent projectile vomiting, especially when it's completely unnecessary.

Also, I really don't care if bright flashy lights do not make YOU projectile vomit. That's not who this issue is about. Do NOT make it about you.

Make it about the unnecessary projectile vomiting.

And I really mean it.

large sigh

2009-06-26T17:13:06Z

So I tried to make an analogy about the warnings issue, and I guess I fucked it up royally because it got completely misunderstood. My error was comparing one set disabilities and accommodations with another. You can't explain something people don't understand with something else people don't understand. I apologize for that. People tend to use things they are familiar with when making an analogy, so my analogies often involve disability, because that's the way I roll.

Well, actually, that's the way I limp.

Ha! See - we make jokes! We have a sense of humour! We're just like you! Look out, it might be catching.

Anyway,

To make this easier, the original analogy is in black, the surface explanations are in red, and the explanation of the meaning of the analogy is in blue.

An analogy - Suppose I'm undergoing a relapse of reflex sympathetic dystrophy in my right foot and ankle, (unfortunately, that is not unthinkable), and say it's a full-blown, stage two occurrence, so the pain is mirrored in the other foot as well, and both legs are considerably incapacitated. These words are about real life; my life, in fact. The analogy is to people who have experienced some trauma in the past, enough for it to have affected their lives on an ongoing basis.

Say I want to go to a movie with my friend R---, and I need to take the subway. I'll have to get down two flights of stairs to get to the train. Or I could take the elevator. This is a plausible RL situation. That is what you have to do to overcome changes in elevation - use stairs or an elevator. The journey outside the house for entertainment is the journey through LJ or wherever looking for fanfic to read. The changes in elevation are the obstacles, the fic that could trigger people who have experienced trauma and are in danger of being triggered.

Now, I personally have a severe difficulty with elevators. I only take them when I cannot NOT take them. I'd rather tough it out and take the stairs, no matter how exhausting and painful it might be. I'd just lean on the railing and ease my way down carefully. In RL, I do have a dread fear of elevators. I try to hide it, and do so pretty well. I most often take the stairs, even when that is kind of a stupid thing to do. This was a poor part of the analogy, because the elevator represents warnings that allow people who need to bypass the stairs to get to the next fanfic experience unscathed. I don't have a problem with warnings the way I do with elevators. But the analogy still works, because I find the pain of using the stair to be lesser than the pain of using the elevator. Some people find the pain of reading a difficult fic more rewarding than the use of warnings to avoid said painful fic.(That was tricky of me, I know - the me in the analogy part is not the same as the me in the RL part.)

Since I prefer the stairs, and I don't need the elevator, and you can't get much more mobility impaired, (short of requiring a chair or scooter) than 2nd stage RSD in the legs, I might think that no one needs the elevator, unless they use a chair or a scooter. I might prohibit people able to get around on their legs from using the elevator at all. I might go even further, and get rid of the elevators and tell everyone who needs one to take Wheeltrans instead. (This is not an uncommon opinion, btw.) This is, obviously, not my RL position on public transportation and elevators. Here I am projecting some of the viewpoints I've read in posts and comments about warnings onto my hypothetical RL experience of going out for entertainment. I'm being facetious, too. Some people, even people who have trigger issues, say that since they don't want or need warnings, then no one else with trigger issues should get them either. Or they say that they have experienced trauma and do not have triggering issues, therefore do not need warnings, therefore no one else deserves them. That shows a lack of compassion for others with whom. one would think, they would have more sympathy, but what would I know?

Now, my friend R--- recently broke his foot and had to get a slew of pins and rods put into it, so he's pretty tired all the time. Plus he's got carpal tunnel syndrome, so he finds moving his six and a half feet of body around on his crutches extremely problematic, particularly when negotiating stairs. My friend would find it very very difficult to go to a movie, but say he really really wanted to see something. He would not be able to get to the theatre without using an elevator. People with disabilities have just as much right to go out and see a movie as anyone else. People who have serious triggering issues have just as much right to read fanfic as anyone else.

Under my personal standards, he would not have an elevator available to him. I would never do that to R---, BUT some people think that warnings are not at all necessary for THEM, so they would deny them to people who NEED them in order to negotiate the obstacles that fanfic contains.

He would have to go home. And he would be very pissed off with me for ever having suggested the movie in the first place. If warnings are not on fic, then people in danger of triggering have to give up reading fic altogether, because it's too dangerous.

That would kind of suck for him, wouldn't it? It wouldn't bother me, because I don't need an elevator. Would I go on to see the movie without him? No I would not. But plenty of people seem to thing it's okay and dandy for them to keep writing/reading/posting/enjoying fic, even though they've excluded a portion of the fic-reading community by making things too dangerous for them to take part.

Unless somebody else decided that they don't need handrails to get up stairs, and removed them. This is an extraneous side-analogy, I know. It made things unnecessarily complicated. The railings are representing the header in general. I tend to use the header to help me negotiate through fic that might upset me. Were I do be trigger-prone, I'd have to use the elevator. I consider myself lucky to be able to manage the stairs.

Then I'd be fucked. Yes, I would be fucked without railings, and I'd be fucked if no one gave any information at all about their fics in the header, because I'd eventually be too wary to bother reading any fic at all, and that large, enjoyable part of my life would be over.

Minimum standards are meant to benefit those who are most in need of them. Everyone else is free to walk past the elevator and use the stairs. Everyone else can walk down the stairs without using the railing. they can run down the stairs. Hell, they can slide down the fucking railing while whooping at the top of their lungs. As long as they don't barrel into me while I'm using that railing, or prevent others from using the elevator, I really don't give a shit.I cannot for the life of me fathon why the existence of the elevator or the handrails would bother people who don't need them any more than I understand why a warning in the header would bother someone who doesn't need to read it.

End of analogy.

You can see why it failed. It has layers. It's too complex.

And here is my new, improved, simpler analogy, that uses ART instead of disability, and should make more sense.

A Link about warnings and disability

2009-06-26T06:31:00Z

The poster said that linking from a personal journal was fine, so I am. Please read this, because I am too frazzled to explain this in my own words tonight. I'll be back online when I'm feeling a little more centered.

True Confessions

2009-06-26T03:54:40Z

The year was 1986. I was living in a sort of punk rock commune house. Michael Jackson was a really, really big deal in the mainstream media, thus we mocked him, as we mocked all mainstream media. There was a heated debate one evening about whether Michael Jackson was queer or straight, and that somehow degenerated into a debate about whether Michael Jackson had a sexuality at all, or if, indeed, he in fact had a penis.

Then that night I had a dream.

Michael Jackson was wearing his red military jacket and skinny black pants (and the one glove, of course) and he was dancing with a whole bunch of backup dancers in the middle of a street.

The street morphed into a weird suspension bridge, underneath another bridge, like the way the subway goes under the Danforth across the Don River, except the bridge wasn't a subway track, it was made of wooden slats with rope railings, but it didn't sway too much. (For which I was grateful - I hate falling dreams.)

I stood at one end of the bridge. Michael Jackson was on the opposite side. The music got louder and Michael Jackson started dancing across the bridge. He was singing and dancing, and I was thinking about the huge crush I'd had on him when I was young. Quite young. Like about 8 or 9. And I was thinking about how damn cute he was around the time Off the Wall came out, and I noticed he'd grown up. And I was thinking that he shouldn't get any more plastic surgery, because he was starting to look a little weird, and the red military jacket and one shiny glove weren't helping in that department.

Meanwhile, Michael Jackson kept dancing across the bridge, and then he danced right up to me, and rubbed his body against mine.

That was when I discovered that he did, indeed, have a penis, and that it was, in fact, one of those skinny little pencil dicks.

And then I woke up. All tingly. Like, TINGLING.

Henceforth, I defended Michael Jackson whenever he was mocked, by saying, "Hey, don't you say anything mean about Michael Jackson! I had dressed sex with him on a bridge! (Even though he has a measly little pencil dick.)"

Sometime around 1990, I purchased a Michael Jackson doll at a yard sale for 25 cents. It was of the dressed-sex-on-a-bridge era, but the doll was wearing fake red leather pants, and no shirt, and he had a piece of masking tape on his chest that read "25 cents". By that time, Michael Jackson was a joke to more than just direspectful, alternative punk rock commune types. But he was still a huge star, and remained so until the day of his death.

I still have that doll.

The masking tape is still on it, but the price is faded.

The End.

Trigger rant.

2009-06-23T03:38:17Z

The latest controversy in fanfic land appears to be about warnings. People who are in danger of being triggered by fic involving abuse/noncon/rape/violence/death are saying that warnings should be posted for the type of fic that might contain triggers. I agree.

As usual, some people who are NOT in danger of being triggered are resisting, because hell, those people with mental issues and problems stemming from their experiences should stop raining on the fanfic parade.

Because fandom, as a whole, does not give a flying fuck about disability of any kind.

Well, fuck you, all you people who think your "right" to tell a story involving violent forced sex or child abuse trumps the right of people who have experienced those things in REAL life NOT to have to read it. That's just about the most selfish, insensitive and fuckwadish attitude I can think of.

For the record, the reason you are highly, highly unlikely to ever see a warning for such things in my work is that I do not write about noncon, abuse, rape or (graphic descriptions of violent)death. I don't find it entertaining or cathartic or amusing or titillating or informative to write or read about those things in fanfic.

I do not claim my work is trigger-free. That's why I always state when there will be consensual power imbalance, or kink (often describing the kink) or pee or whatever. And I also warn for het, because I know a lot of people aren't interested int that. And when I do write incest, it's never cross-generational, always 100% consensual. But I still warn for it, even when it's obvious in the pairings.

That's not to say everything I write is fluff or lacks depth. Those who automatically equate happy endings with fluff also tend to equate unpleasant and disturbing images with "meaning". That strikes me as a particularly immature mindset, along with the idea that gore and graphic violence are somehow more 'adult' than suspense and suggestion. There's a lot to be said for finesse. But that's a whole other point. This is about triggering.

I've had it happen to me. Not by anything most people would consider trigger-worthy, but I've had graphic flashbacks while watching movies or reading - for instance, sickening physical reactions when bodies get hit by cars, particularly if they make the same sound my body made when it was hit by a car decades ago. That can shake me up, give me nightmares, make it hard for me to cross streets. I don't demand warnings for car accidents. They are common, everyday occurrences, and my triggering is not severe or too long-lasting. I can hack it.

And I've watched triggering happen, right in front of me, to someone I care about more than I care about myself. I would never get upset with the producers of a certain television show that featured a medical procedure that special someone has had, and I have had as well, which did not go well for the special person, nor did it go well in the television show. There was triggering. Not for me, but for that special person, because she has mild PTSD from her experience of that procedure. There was triggering, let me tell you, waaaay worse than any I've ever experienced - the effects of it lasted for DAYS.

But that was a very specific and very rare trigger. Not a trigger that can be reasonably anticipated. I'm sure the depiction of this medical-procedure-gone-wrong was meant to disturb the viewer; the chances that a viewer would have experienced that same pain AND that the depiction of it would cause such a severe reaction are slim.

But I'm not talking about accidents. I'm not talking about obscure medical triggers. I'm talking about totally obvious, completely predictable responses in people who have already suffered enough.

I'm talking about rape and child abuse and noncon incest. I'm talking about stuff that, were it to be shown on a TV show, would warrant a warning at every commercial break.

I just turned off the TV because a show, which had such a warning, featured something that freaked me out. I've watched the show before, and it's never freaked me out before, but this week's crime was, I could tell before it happened, something that makes my skin crawl. I turned it off before I saw something that would give me nightmares. If I were being seriously triggered, I might not be able to do that. And even if I could turn it off, I might be suffering from the fallout from what little I did see for DAYS. As it is, I'm still a little creeped out, and my honey will probably be getting extra cuddles tonight, to drive any images of what I could tell was going to happen out of my mind while I go to sleep. I was warned, I noted the warning, and when the bad stuff started, I wished I'd heeded the warming. That was my fault, and I'm not mad at the producers of that show either.

But if that crime had occurred in the middle of what seemed to be an innocuous little drama or a comedy or a character study, I would have been seriously pissed off.

If you don't have the decency to warn for stuff like that, you are a fuckwad. Plain and simple.

(And if, as I read someone had stated somewhere, you think your readers should experience rape as if it were really happening, without any warning at all, as a part of your 'art', then the chances are, you've never been raped. I have, and if you think I should experience that again just because you decided your artistic integrity would be compromised by warning me in advance, I'll happily look you in the eye and tell you to fuck off. And ban you from my flist forever.)

Upshot is, have a little respect for survivors and people with emotional and mental disabilities. I realize that fandom as a whole tends to have the disability awareness of your average beauty pageant, but warnings should be a given.

But then, I also happen to think that everyone should be able to use public transit without fear of injury or belittlement. What a joke. *sigh*

On ewan McGregor's bottom and the Hadron Supercollider

2009-06-20T18:13:49Z

I finally managed to see Angels and Demons.

I post no spoilers, except to say, as I was just saying to sue_chose_this, that Ewan McGregor is the only man on the entire planet who can wear a full-on fucking Catholic priest cassock and still have a luscious bottom.

It IS uncanny.

Let us give a prayer of thanks for Ewan McGregor's buns. You can't even hide them under centuries of religious dogma and finery.

Okay, I said no spoilers, but I noticed in the credits there was a religion adviser, an Illuminati adviser, and a military adviser, but no SCIENCE adviser. No shit, Sherlock.

The fucking Hadron Super Collider? Using the Large Hadron Collider to create ANTI-matter? Anti-matter suspended by electro magnets running off a battery???? And the research team was planning to use this anti-matter as an alternative energy source??? *shakes head*

Fucking Hollywood.

That said, I'm glad I went to see it, if only so I could have the fantasy of defrocking a particular priest from the ground up, bending him over my knee and [insert crude joke about 'global warming'].

Also, I totally agree with redjacket that the new Sherlock Holmes movie looks like it may be a lot of fun, even though it has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH, you know, SHERLOCK HOLMES. Caps totally on purpose.